Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Motherhood

     While checking Facebook I found this beautiful YouTube video.  It speaks of children and the role of parents (http://youtu.be/UNahtS4XJ8E ).
     When I was growing up I assumed I would marry and have children.  All girls did that then.  I ran, played horse, took dance and violin lessons, played Queen of Venus, and never touched dolls until I was about 8 or 9.  That doll was Barbie, and I was in it for the clothes.  I had no interest in playing mother or being one; I was a bit of a tomboy.
     During the seventies social issues  took hold on me.  I thought it made good sense to limit the number of children I had, if any, to one or two.  It made sense to me to live with someone before I married him; it made sense to me to try something out first and see if it fit.
     Soon thereafter I learned about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and decided to be baptized (see post entitles The Gift).  I transferred to BYU and began to live a different lifestyle and desire marriage and a family.
     That eluded me while at BYU.  I learned and learned,  took up the viola, and switched my science major back to music.  It felt right to me; this was my path.
     My music path has been filled with struggles to practice and discipline myself.  My knowledge that this was the right thing for me pushed me along.  At age 30 I entered graduate school and finally got my act together, so to speak.  In the midst of that I met my future husband.  By that time I was in my mid-thirties and wondered  what motherhood would be like, if even possible, and how I wold juggle my viola duties.  To maintain a baseline of playing ability I had to keep up my viola, especially at my age.
     All of this takes faith. You do what is right.  In my case, I was able to have three healthy boys, finish my dissertation eventually, and keep my hand in the viola pot (I also have a very supportive husband!).  I marvel how I was able to do this; ah, how long youth seemed!
     Motherhood grew on me.  I never considered myself the mother type, but it just became part of me. When I recently became a grandmother I wanted nothing more than to run away with my husband and be near her.  Motherhood brings joy.
     I worried about my viola. Around age fifty I began to have some physical issues that affected my playing.  Issues in my life related to children and finances took precedence over my body at that time.  I knew I needed help but it would have to wait.  When the time was right I was blessed to find the perfect teacher for me just 15" from my home.  I look back and marvel at this. He knew what to do and I complied, changing my technique so I could continue.  I was able to do it, and now I can play physically challenging music with very little arm trouble. At my age this is big; in fact, it is miraculous!  In some ways I play better than in my youth.  Who would have thought??!!
     My viola experience is a testimony to the importance of motherhood.  I exercised faith that God's way was best and I have been very blessed in the process.  My children have brought me more joy than any amount of worldly success.  The sacrifices-time, focus, effort and putting the needs of others above your own-are an investment that brings eternal rewards. 
     I know that children  bring heartache at times.  I also know that people can change and that life goes on beyond this one.  Life is about change, and it continues.  If we are separated from loved ones there is always hope for reunion and healing, even if it's in the next life.  I have been blessed with good kids so far, but one of them had brushes with death.  I guess I know a little bit about that. I guess I just wanted to end by stating that there is healing and hope available.  It's never too late!

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In addition to being a violist, I am a wife and mother (three sons). I dabble in writing, handwork, sewing and photography.