Sunday, May 28, 2017

Have You Ever Felt Powerful?



Here is my fun question for today--
When in your life did you feel most powerful?

     My first reaction to this question is that I have never felt powerful. I have been in positions of power--motherhood is powerful-- but feeling powerful is not the same as exercising it. In fact, it’s something I have never thought about.  So I will ramble, and maybe I’ll remember something.
     I remember an experience I had  the morning after I was baptized a member of the LDS church.  I was walking across campus at Stephens College.  I recall looking up at the beautiful, bright sky and thinking that I was full of light.  As I looked near the sun I felt like it was in me.  I suppose there was a feeling of power connected to that, but not the kind of power most of us think about.  It was spiritual power. 
     I felt spiritual power a few years ago while conducting my ward choir rehearsal.  I don’t remember the piece we were practicing, but it was a great conduit for the Holy Ghost.  As I felt the Spirit, I sensed it was filling my arms as I conducted.  It was both powerful and humbling at the same time.  I had that experience a few other times, but never quite like that particular moment.
     When I was a child I loved imagining that I was a horse.  I loved to run, and I enjoyed pretending to run- alone or in a herd- with my long mane and tail wildly flying.  There was a kind of power in that.  When I was older and realized I couldn’t be a horse, I would ride my pretend horse off across empty fields, galloping in the wind.  It was exhilarating!  I felt so free, and there was also a certain power in that.  But it wasn’t real.
     I first received letter grades when I was in third grade.  I recall standing in our little breakfast room and showing them to my mother.  They were As and Bs and I knew I had performed well.  I felt pride in myself, and that is connected to feeling powerful.  That first report card had a big impact on me, and many more like it followed.  I felt confidence in my academic ability most of the time, and that has power.
     I wish I could say the same about music.  I loved my violin very much, but I had great trouble disciplining myself enough to practice until college, when I received grades for violin or viola lessons.   My confidence level was low from years of self-defeating behavior in regards to my instrument.  That battle for confidence continues today, although the fights are fewer and less difficult.  My love for music and my viola, as well as powerful spiritual experiences, have motivated and strengthened me. 
     Perhaps feeling powerful as an adult is related to feeling confidence in one’s abilities.  It’s also related to  healthy self-esteem.  I think that  the expression of unconditional love from others, strong family support and good teachers can bolster these, but ultimately we must connect to God.  That is the source of true power.
     

Sunday, May 7, 2017

My Window View

   

      I took this photo a few days ago through my office window during a rare sunny morning. Such a beautiful old crabapple!  All our crabapple trees are blooming like this.
     All my tulips are blooming, including a few transplanted by creatures.  The deer usually attack them, but not one has been disturbed this year.  Everything is thriving.
     It has been a lovely spring.  I love it when spring is cool and rainy like ours this year; it means the beautiful flowers will last longer.  It looks like the beauty will last through the coming week, too.

Friday, May 5, 2017

Favorite words

   

     After reading a list of journal prompts I have a topic for today.  What are your favorite and least favorite words?

Here goes--
Favorite word- 
       Crisco, spoken slowly.  I love the sound of it.  Anyone else love the word Crisco?  I doubt it...but who knows!  I'm sure there must be more words I love for different reasons, but I can't think of them right now.  I'm stuck on the sound of C....R...I...S...C...O.................very cool!
   
Least favorite word -
       Pus might be it.  Yuck.  I also hate the F word (and other swear words)

Best crazy word-
       Poochenhopper.  I have no idea where it comes from.

Favorite names-
       When I was a child I loved the names Mary Ann, Julia, Katherine and Elizabeth.  As an adult I love the name Beth.  I was convinced my first child was a girl and her name would be Beth.  Out came Michael James.  I had that experience 2 more times, with Beth being Matthew and then Jonathan.  I still don't know who Beth is!
    

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Miss Iris

Just a pic of my mini iris.  They bloom in the early spring (mid April here).  I love them!


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In addition to being a violist, I am a wife and mother (three sons). I dabble in writing, handwork, sewing and photography.