Sunday, June 4, 2017
Last night I had a music dream. My music dreams are not pleasant; they are usually filled with crazy circumstances that leave me feeling a lot of anxiety! The dream I woke up with was no exception. I was on my way to play a Festival City Orchestra concert and discovered that I was dressed in weirdness--an old teal velvet dress, a black cardigan sweater, and black shoes underneath something else which I can't remember (at least I was fully clothed in something other than underwear or PJs). When I was onstage the teal gown had changed to old wrinkled black jeans (at least I'm rid of the teal). Next I noticed that my hose had slipped off my feet and the ragged ends of each dangled out from the bottom of my pants. Apparently my toenails had cut off the ends of the hose. It was finally close to concert time and I realized my black shoes were missing and in their place were my gray Isotoner slippers. I had 6-7 minutes before the concert so I left the stage to see if they were by my viola case. My case was now buried behind many others and I stuggled to get it out. Another player arrived and told me what tables I was allowed to use for my viola. This made no sense at all but I complied. I opened up my case. I had not found my shoes, but there was a chunk of wood in my case. Oh no, I thought...did it fall off my instrument? Thankfully I could not find the origin of the wood, but I did hear what I thought was the first piece on the program. I'm late?! And I'm sitting principal. Uh-oh. Fortunately there were a couple of other late arrivals, too, and I realized some kind of unplanned musical demo was taking place. I tried to open the big door behind the stage and found it stuck.. A man opened it (the old actor Leslie Nielson...who knows where he came from) and informed me that I was never to open the door when it seemed to be stuck. He or someone else would. When I entered I was not behind the stage but coming in from the side audience area and the large auditorium was now small. The orchestra was now small and I saw my stand partner across the stage from the first violins. Oh well, I thought, it is what it is. And I walked across the stage in my strange attire. I woke up. Relief!
As I told my dream to my husband I realized it was not as bad as my music dreams usually are. At least some problems were solved and I had my actual stand partner, Olga, who is supportive and a fine musician. I remember looking at her with some relief. And at least I was clothed. At least I had enough maturity to say to myself "Oh well! It is what it is...on with the show". But where do these dreams come from?!
I might know at least one new reason. I'm getting older. Things don't go as planned, there are delays, I get injured (I missed a step this week and fell), and lots of well-meaning people, alive or via media, tell me what to do. My physical body is slowly wearing out, like an old car. It has a lot of miles and it's beginning to break down. It seems it's just one minor injury after another. But I keep going--it is what it is.
As I looked out my desk window this morning I saw a house finch sitting on a dead crabapple limb maybe 6-8 feet from me. He just sat for awhile, flitting around to reveal his beautiful light gray and rosy-colored breast. I thought to myself that he is such a sweet, lovely bird; why do some people consider house finches to be pests? He then began to sing. I love the song of house finches yet I've never seen one sing. His little throat wobbled as he sang his heart out. He stayed for a few minutes, resting and singing, and then flew away.
The past two weeks I've been playing my viola for my own enjoyment. I don't do that very often; I'm usually preparing music for a concert. I pulled out some new music I bought months ago and decided to work on Selections from Romeo and Juliet for viola and piano by Prokofiev. I love this ballet music. Festival City performed some of it this winter and now I can play parts I didn't get to in the concert. I listen to Youtube recordings and practice (yeah Youtube). I play my heart out when I'm warmed up. I have missed this. It feels so good.
I also decided to fix up a storage area in my office. It's a large metal storage rack filled with an odd assortment of boxes of fabrics and sewing supplies. It's so ugly. The thought ocurred to me that I could purchase several bankers boxes and cover them with fabric. I decided to go for it and it's almost done. I used spray and tacky glues to cover nine boxes with a gray and white decorator ticking fabric (fabricguru on the internet...great service and check out fab sales), and I covered the exposed ends of some smaller plastic containers. It looks so nice!
Next I sorted and cleaned. I'm sore. My back is not happy. I have more to do. But oh well...it is what it is!
As we age we still need to sing, just like the finch on the dead limb. We have beautiful songs in us and we need to express them. We need to find ways to push ourselves within our limits and try new things we think we might enjoy--learn new tunes, so to speak. We need to get out of ourselves. And remember to sing! Find your voice and go for it. For me, music and the Spirit activate my voice. Remember your blessings, express your gratitude, and always remember to sing your heart to God, who will always listen!
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